so, alright. i've posted some you tube crap on here. and while they were good, they weren't great. this is great. so great the image and sound is burned into my retina's, possibly forever. WATCH THIS!
so, the close of another year, and a update for myself
whilst confussion rages, and hurt expounds, i remember the beautiful good that proceded it. and i am grateful.
i left school with a wonderful four years behind me, amazing friends who i care very deeply for, and memories to last a lifetime. and i am grateful.
an adventure that blew my mind in terms of what life is about, and who i am, and where i wanted to go. and i am grateful.
those that stood with me when i needed it most, who gave the greatest ears in the world. and i am grateful.
the places i've visited and the wonders i've seen. and i am grateful.
the music, movies, books, art, photos and everything that seemed to syphon down life to its barest naked essentials. and i am grateful.
long calls at 3am. and i am grateful.
she: lks. and i am grateful.
for the moment, the balls are in the air, but i've stopped juggling. may they land where i hope. although i stand in ruins, i am very much optimistic and excited about seeing what will be built next.
happy new years, six people who actually read this.
this country was blessed with the most incredible diverse and hauntingly lovely landscape one could imagine. it makes me pity my imagination that nothing i could ever think of will ever equal the gorgeousness of real life. and while those that inhabit this land mainly ignore everything around them in pursuit of imagined happiness (extra cash), i am happy that before the roof collapses and nothing is left but devastation, i managed to see what i could see along a lonely barren stretch of road. and the most amazing thing is, i simply followed a single narrow path and saw LIFE. imagine if i had veered. one day i think i will.
while strange, once again, to be 'home', i am now condensing my entire existence into a few bags, to be carried on my person. i had deep roots, pulled them up, put in deeper roots, pulled them up too, tried to put roots into tarnished soil, fled before death, and now, i am FREE!
i am glad ONE simpson has good taste.
and once more the unknown hangs to her: 'meet me in montauk'
weeping while the weep is wet is sometimes the only benefit.
i was paid eight hours today to think. and think and i did. it was like meditatiion, but i was in a coffee bean uniform. but in six days i get to give them my two week notice after two weeks of work. and this after i spent the majority of my time with the regional manager telling him how much i love working there. he believed me. i should've been an actor or two.
peter jackson is the hobbit.
contemplating EVERYTHING.
where do i live?
cnn.com gives me a good idea on where to click on in nytimes.com. then i go to latimes.com.
i kind of want to play the new zelda game because i love zelda. not because i love looking marshmellows.
maybe i consider it so important because i consider it the best i'll ever have. nobody else seems to measure up.
i swear to you this: after the car is redelivered, i will never own one again. and i will only drive when it is absolutely necessary and on special occasions (i.e. long road trips)
honestly i feel the car is the absolutely worst thing mankind has ever done. i'd rather there were six billion nuclear missles pointed at every single person on this earth then one car rolling off an assembly line.
for all those who loved kelly clarkson's breakaway because it was some incredible music, usually defined as "pop", but incredible none the less, here's our next adventurer in the same category: lily allen and her awesome album alright still.
word. to your mother.
on a personal notation: i have had quite an experience and i have no idea if it was good or bad. but it is coming to a close, and for that i am definably relieved.
while i am ecstatic over the recent change to our governmental power, i sincerely doubt that any promises made will come to fruition. now, if a certain b. obama were to run in a few years, maybe...
i've professed my love for the youtube before, but now i have proof:
this is a cultural archive. we've sent space probes with crap from earth hoping if it finds an alien planet they would be able to discern who we are. i think all we would need to do is hand them a hard drive with all of youtube saved on it.
if nothing else about this incredbily magical summer, i was given the song. and this song has changed me completely. i think it was what i've been searching for my entire life. and being given it by someone who means so much to me, it really digs deep and ingrains itself into my soul. and as i shrug off all the bonds and this terribly heavy world, i look at that song and have a purpose. to live it, to experience it, to sing it, to imitate it, and eventually, if i'm lucky and talented enough, to surpass it.
the world should be mine, but the world seems to have a different idea.
every ounce and quart and half pints of self confidence i once possessed (which actually wasn't that much to begin with) has withered away like blueberries during a drought. i look around and doubt every choice i have ever made (not ALL, but still) and wonder if i've made a horrible, horrible mistake for two decades. yes, since i was three years old and started pretending a wet, clumping, strangely persistent hunk of mud was a golden idol with mike was the wrong direction. what's the right direction? there is none, that's the problem. really, i did pick the right direction, but i no longer am able to feel that.
in fact, the only feelings left are quite negative. ranging from good negatives like longing and heartbreak (which only come about because love exists) to the bad bad negatives like hate and anger (the dark side if one will). that might be what bugs me most. for honestly the first time in my ENTIRE life, i feel true anger. anger at something or someone, not just a concept or a situation (like the current cultural tide, for example). i've never been a fan of the movie crash, but i understand why the people of the academy favored it. and i still feel like the racial aspects of it are quite wrong and imaginary. but the ANGER that it brings is real. people in this city are very hateful and mean spirited and they are content with that. anyone who asked me previously about new york's stereotype of angry people would get a response saying that's not true at all. and to prove it i present la (use modus tolens, assholes).
if the movie volcano actually happened and la was buried under hundreds of feet of lava, i would not be upset. and also i would like tommy lee jones to be recognized as the american hero he really is. and the triumphant return of gaby hoffman.
the more i think about it, speaking of ms. gaby hoffman, now and then is probably the greatest movie ever to be created. i wish citizen kane only showed a tenth of the emotions that the characters in now and then display.
i really have no clue why i feel nobody actually likes me. it seems pretty logical that everybody in my life isn't putting on some elaborate scam to convince me of their imaginary friendship in order to prove or accomplish something. yet i fully believe that i am somebody nobody could ever like. i just feel like such a terrible shitty individual. yet those who are close to me are appreciated the more because, as i've said, this feeling that nobody really likes me is false. so the fact that these people actually do enjoy my company i esteem as truly the most generous, beautiful people in our world today.
bah.
sorry for the rant. if you've actually read this, i apologize for wasting your time. but what the hell else is a public forum for? discussion, discourse and ideas? get real.
just cause you think us teens are wild and rebels, always out driving on the strip, staying out till 10pm getting shakes at the drive though, racing through old samsons dirt patch and going steady all the time, doesn't mean you can stop us having a good time. we want to get footloose and there ain't nothing you're going to be doing to stop us! the kids rule this town and we're going to be dancing until you come pick us up!
having a star of the sopranos pretend that in real life he is just as much a mobster as the charcter he plays isn't funny. it really wasn't the first time and defineatly wasn't the second. now it is disgraceful to pretend that it has any semblence of humor behind it. please stop.
"The issue of infringement of civil liberties will also be key."
Hey, so, you know, if I am now going to be collered and tagged when entering an airport, I'm starting to think that maybe I really don't want to enter one. Amoung all the other major, horrible, depressing, and disgusting disgraces of life around us currently, this one, for some reason, really bugs me. (Get it? Bugs? Like spy stuff!) Nothing is worth this.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
ordainedpriest's journal